Finding ways to help your children with their social issues can be a challenge. Nobody wants their child to be bullied, teased, or isolated. Helping your child navigate the social waters starts with analyzing the situation. Here are a few questions to ask when considering what (if any) intervention is required.

Do They Seem Content on Their Own? 

If your child is having problems making friends, it very well may be that socialization isn’t as much a priority to them as it is to their peers (or as it was to you growing up). Being alone doesn’t always translate to being lonely. 

You always want your child to be selective when choosing which people they have in their life. If the pool of selection isn’t great (from the perspective of your child), this may explain why they choose to isolate.

Talk to your child and ask what their values are in acquiring and maintaining friendships. Sharing a few tips is helpful, but listening to what it is THEY truly want is best. Be sure to make time for your children to choose healthy and social activities to help them find and connect with peers with similar interests.

Is Your Child Getting into Fights? 

Violence can be a sign that your child needs help managing their emotions. Redirecting their frustrations into using their words respectfully is something children master with time. So long as they are not the instigator, it may be a good sign if they defend themselves against an aggressing child who throws the first punch. It could be a sign of self-esteem and self-preservation. 

This may just be a matter of knowing the proper channels of communication to solve a problem. Definitely tell your child that violence is never the answer, and guide them to the proper methods of resolving conflict.

Are They Comfortable With the Authority Figures and Their Responses to Social Problems? 

Are their authority figures fair and consistent with their discipline? Sometimes, children learn to distrust the teachers who play favorites. If their teachers and administrations use fear and intimidation to get their students to toe the line, they make themselves unapproachable when their students need help.

Ensure your child’s school has authority figures who discipline fairly and consistently. Ask your child to find one or two authority figures they trust at school to turn to when they need help.

Does Your Child Manage Emotions at Home Well? 

Maybe your child is a bit more sensitive than most. This tends to be a concern for boys due to socially ingrained gender roles. Remember, everyone responds to stress differently.  Some use a show of strength others are more tender in their approach.

Stay vigilant to what your child is trying to tell you through their actions at home. They may not be able to articulate their feelings. This is where you can be helpful in talking to them and asking them questions to prompt healthy ways to identify, express, and manage their feelings.

Can Your Child Tell the Difference Between Important Matters, and Petty Annoyances?

We’ve all heard the need vs. want debate. Teaching your child to choose their battles is also a good skill for them to acquire. Gaining a healthy perspective is a useful tool in managing their social climate.

Do They Have a Good Sense of Humor? 

A lot of social misunderstandings can be broached with a good sense of humor. Laughing off mistakes and maintaining a positive attitude forgives a lot of sins. Tell your children to keep a light attitude when it comes to simple communication errors.

Do They take Themselves Too Seriously?

Looking for the negative will often cause you to find it. It’s so refreshing when we can poke fun at ourselves. None of us are perfect, and being able to make light of these imperfections builds character and charm.

Have They Been Able to Heal From Past Emotional Wounds? 

Childhood trauma is lasting, and many of us take that baggage with us into adult relationships. There are many situations that could be causing your child distress such as a parent’s divorce, custody disputes, breakups, death of a close friend or family member, sibling rivalry, chronic illness, moving, changing schools, abuse, or other important events or transitions.

It’s best to monitor your child for signs of distress. These are signs that your child may need to see a counselor or therapist according to Verywell Family:

• Changing eating or sleeping habits
• Engaging in destructive behaviors
• Extreme feelings of sadness or worry
• Behaving badly
• Isolating from friends
• Regressing
• Increased physical complaints
• Frequently talks about death

Take any talk of harming themselves or others seriously. Call or text 602-248-8336 to contact the Teen Lifeline, which provides safe, confidential, and crucial crisis intervention services for Arizona teens.

What if the Problem Stems From Your Child’s Succumbing to Peer Pressure?

Is your child being pressured directly or indirectly to bully others? Sometimes children choose the wrong influences in their lives or befriend bullies in order to protect themselves from them. Talk to your child about better ways of maintaining healthy friendships and protecting themselves from toxic people.

Oftentimes, social lessons are learned by doing. Be patient and give your child space to figure out problems on their own, intervening only when problems become physically or emotionally damaging. You’ll find that your child has been listening to you more than you thought.